Kwa Nini Unatamani Kubadili Tabia Lakini Huwezi?
PICHA: Coherentnews.com |
HEMEDI anavuta zaidi ya ‘pakiti’
moja ya sigara kwa siku. Ingawa, mara kadhaa, amejaribu kuacha tabia hii
asiyoipenda, bado hajafanikiwa. Nia ya kuacha sigara anayo lakini kuacha ameshindwa.
Unaweza kufikiri Hemedi yuko
tofauti na sisi wengine. Lakini ukweli ni kwamba nasi, kwa namna tofauti,
tunakabiliwa na mitihani mikubwa ya kitabia, pengine kuliko huo alionao Hemedi.
Kuna mambo fulani kwenye maisha yetu
tunatamani kuyaacha lakini hatuwezi. Inawezekana ni matumizi mabaya ya fedha; kuongea
kupita kiasi; hasira ya kulipuka; kusengenya na tabia nyingine tusizosipenda.
Kwa upande mwingine, tunaweza
kutamani kujenga tabia mpya lakini tunashindwa. Nawafahamu watu wengi ambao
kila mwaka mpya unapoanza wanajipanga kufikia malengo makubwa. Wanautazama
mwaka mpya kwa mtazamo tofauti na wanatamani kuwa watu tofauti na walivyokuwa
kwa mwaka uliomalizika.
Wengine wanajiapiza kuanza
kusoma vitabu; wengine kufanya mazoezi ya mwili; wengine kuanza kuweka akiba ya
fedha; wengine kuamka mapema na kuwahi kazini; wengine kuwahi nyumbani na
kutulia na watoto. Lakini siku chache baada ya kusherehekea mwaka mpya, tabia
zile zile za zamani zinarejea. Wanarudi kulekule wasikokutaka.
Mwaka huu rafiki yangu mmoja
aliniambia anataka kupunguza uzito wa mwili. Hakupenda kuwa na kitambi. Juzi nilimwuliza
amefikia wapi na lengo lake la kuanza kufanya mazoezi ya kukimbilia kila
alfajiri mwaka huu. ‘Wiki ya kwanza nilienda vizuri. Nilijitahidi kuamka
asubuhi na kukimbia. Baadae nilishindwa kuendelea kwa sababu ya maumivu ya
viungo. Nilipopumzika, ndio mpaka leo.’ Alikuwa na orodha ndefu ya visingizio.
Hayuko peke yake. Ukiwa mkweli
wa nafsi yako, kuna vitu ungependa kuvifanya lakini huwezi kwa sababu tu umeshindwa
kujenga tabia (mazoea) mapya. Kwa kawaida, kila malengo tunayoyaweka yanaenda
sambamba na mazoea mapya. Huwezi, kwa mfano, kufikia lengo la kusoma angalau
kitabu kimoja kwa wiki, kama huwezi kutunza muda wako. Ukishashindwa kutunza
muda wako, lengo lako haliwezi kutumia.
Kwa hiyo swali tunalohitaji
kulijibu kwa uhakika ni kwamba kwa nini, mara nyingi, tunataka kujenga tabia
mpya na hatuwezi? Kwa nini tunashindwa kuacha tabia fulani fulani
tuzizozipenda? Shida ipo wapi?
Kuna watu wanaofikiri sababu
kubwa ni kukosa utashi –nia ya dhati ya kujenga au kuacha tabia fulani. Kwamba
bila kumaanisha kuacha tabia fulani huwezi kuicha hata kama huipendi. Hata
hivyo, tunafahamu watu wengi, mfano wao, Hemedi niliyesimulia kisa chake hapo awali, wanaotaka kwa dhati
kuacha tabia fulani lakini hawawezi. Watu hawa, nia ya dhati wanayo, madhara ya
tabia zao wanayajua, lakini kuchukua hatua ya kuacha inakuwa vigumu.
Wengine wanasema nia bila kuwa
na uelewa wa madhara ya tabia husika ni vigumu kubadilika. Wanaoshikilia
mtazamo kama huu wanafikiri kutangaza madhara ya tabia fulani ndio njia sahihi
zaidi ya kuwashawishi watu kubadilika. Wanafikiri kinachohamasisha mabadiliko
ni uelewa wa madhara.
Niliwahi kuzungumza na
mhamasishaji mmoja wa kampeni dhidi ya UKIMWI/VVU. Bwana huyu alikuwa akiwaelimisha
wananchi kuhusu umuhimu wa kuwa mwaminifu na kufanya ngono salama ikiwa lazima.
Kimsingi alionesha uelewa wa hali ya juu kuhusu hatari ya kuwa na wapenzi wengi
na kufanya ngono zembe.
Lakini nilipomfahamu baadae,
nilibaini bwana huyu si tu alikuwa na foleni ndefu ya wapenzi, lakini alikuwa
amezaa na wanawake kadhaa tofauti. Maana yake ni kwamba, pamoja na kuelewa
hatari ya ngono isiyo salama, bwana huyu, alikuwa akifanya ngono isiyo salama.
Kwa hiyo unaweza kuona kuwa uelewa pekee hautoshi kuacha tabia usiyoipenda kama
ambavyo dhamira ya dhati nayo haitoshi.
Hata katika kujenga tabia mpya,
nia na uelewa pekee hautoshi. Tunafahamu, kwa mfano, ni muhimu kuacha vyakula
fulani fulani ili kulinda afya zetu. Tunafahamu umuhimu wa kufanya mazoezi ya
mwili ili kujenga afya bora. Tunaweza kutaja faida za kutenga muda kwa ajili ya
kusoma vitabu. Kwa nini, basi, hatuwezi kusimamia kile tunachotamani kukianza?
Hili ndilo swali nitakaloanza nalo kwenye makala inayofuata panapo majaaliwa.
INAENDELEA
Fuatilia safu yetu ya Saikolojia kwenye gazeti la Mtanzania kila siku ya Alhamisi kwa makala kama hizi.
Tunashindwa kuacha tabia za zamani kwa sababu hatujajitambua.Tumepotelea kwenye vikundi na hatuwezi fanya uamuzi bila ya kuhusisha vikundi
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